My job requires me to be on the clock 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. I will never get fired unless I mess up majorly but yet my paycheck is very small and if I call in sick I don’t get paid. My responsibilities range from mundane, to silly, to absolutely disgusting and the only ones who truly understand my plight are those who work in the same field. Quitting is frowned upon and in extreme cases can result in short to long-term imprisonment — a huge deterrent in my opinion but some are simply too unqualified or irresponsible and the end result is to their detriment. There is no glamour, nor glory, very little thanks and a huge mountain of responsibility. To say it’s a juggling act is an understatement for it is not a job for the weak of heart.
I was never formally interviewed for the position, I simply showed up and was hired on the spot. I never received any formal training, which is sometimes scary beyond belief, but I simply use trial and error to figure things out as I go. There is no management to report to, per se — I am left to operate without supervision. But if something horrible goes wrong then the authorities are called and all the blame rests on me.
I tried to take a vacation once, seven years ago, but was informed that that was not allowed — even if I went to a vacation destination, I would have to pay for everything myself and I would still have to work. I gladly agreed to those terms since I desperately needed a break from the routine and if that was the only way to get it I’d just have to make the best of it. I had “fun” and vowed to do it again as soon as I could afford to but that day hasn’t come yet since the demands of the job have been extremely unforgiving.
I daydream of vacations more than anything else, or spa days or simply an hour or two to have my thoughts be my own. But alas, the only escape I have is when business is slow in the overnight hours and I can sleep for a little while, not soundly, but at least it’s better than no sleep at all. I’ve also found that reading and writing are great ways to escape but I usually have to trade sleep for one or the other — a very high price to pay given my impossible schedule, but the sacrifice is well worth it. I’ve since learned that the more escapes I can create for myself, as small as they may be, the better I am able to continue doing my job to the best of my ability.
One may find it hard to believe, but despite everything I’ve just described, I do enjoy my job. The level of satisfaction I feel far outweighs all the crappy stuff I experience — well, at least, most of it! And every time I try to hatch a plan to quit, knowing fully well I can’t without serious repercussions, I try to think of those marvelous times of great joy to talk myself off the proverbial ledge.
Recently, however, (perhaps a month or two ago) I stumbled upon a system that can give me the break I desperately need without getting me in too much trouble. Every Saturday I QUIT! I am on the job yes, but I don’t do any work. Well, there ARE a few things I MUST do, but beyond that I exert as little energy as possible. I call it “taking a mental health day” and by golly IT WORKS! By Sunday I feel so refreshed (a little guilty and apologetic too) that I’m back to “push til I crash” mode and all is well with the world. No (major) policies violated, no authorities called, no pending imprisonment, just sweet bliss!
Why I hadn’t figured this out before is beyond me, but I guess it has to do with my obsessive-compulsive-perfectionist-dysfunctional upbringing. My role models are all workaholics and it would appear that that has been encoded in my DNA for better or worse. I can’t see that something needs doing and leave it undone. I guess perhaps this is why I am so well suited for the job — perhaps why I was hired on the spot without a lengthy interview. Whatever the case, I’m here reporting for duty and thankful for the opportunity to serve as long as I’m needed.
I am a single parent.
Contents written: 12.26.2014 | Copyright 2014 Moylom Enterprises