Tag Archives: healing

Waves of Agony

image

 

Waves of agony swirl through me:
Sometimes I can’t eat;
Other times I eat too much.

Waves of agony confine me:
Some days I find strength to press on;
On occasion all I want to do is cry.

Waves of agony will wash me:
Learning to swim and not sink;
Hoping to make it to shore.

 


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Image source: Digital Art by A
Contents compiled: May 24 2017
Originally published: May 25 2017
Copyright © 2017 Anonymously Yours


Fix me

Fix me
Image source: Google images

You listened
When the others didn’t.
You made noticeable progress
In just two sessions
Which might have caused friction
With your superiors.
You had great plans
To heal me completely
But you were rebuked for your bravado…
I saw the deflated look on your face.

You asked questions
To get to the root
Of the my problem,
Then explained a
A possible plan of action.
You wanted to demonstrate your knowledge
But your superiors wouldn’t let you.

Too busy following protocol
To get the most out of the “system”,
They had their reasons
For shutting you down.
You’re new,
So I guess your zeal to heal
Will one day be circumvented
By an allegiance to the “system” too
But I secretly hope that doesn’t happen
For you are excellent at what you do.

How sad that the “system” is placed
Above the health of the patients!
Unfortunately, it’s the American way.
But for now your heart
Is in the right place,
For all you wanted
Was to make me well.
How frustrating it must have been
To be limited by their ulterior motives!

I just wish you were around
To finish what you started,
But your time was up
And now, so is mine.
Our paths may never cross again
But at least I’m glad to know
You sincerely wanted to “fix me”.

fix me 2
Image Source: Yahoo Images (studentphysicaltherapy.tumblr.com)

Contents written: November 23 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


 

Distraction

 

Deep-tissue-massage-1
Image source: Google images (imrmassage.com)

Your hands,
They know just where to go.
Slow yet steady,
Penetrating deep,
Healing, soothing, commanding,
Telling me it’s okay to “let go”.

They pause.
There is pressure —
Deliberate and concentrated.
They’ve found the knot —
One of many —
A source of my discomfort.
They move in circular motions now
Then stop… MORE PRESSURE!

I hold my breath
For a few seconds
Not wanting to be
Verbally inappropriate;
You ask if I’m okay.
I nod, “yes”.
I dare not speak
At least not yet.

Your hands,
They move to the
Damaged muscle now.
A few quick strokes to loosen
Then one long, slow stroke —
Concentrated, deep, pressure.

There is a shift.
I feel the tension release.
My muscles relax.
At last!

I exhale, finally.
You can tell I’m okay now,
There is no need to ask
But my time is up.
Your hands are amazing!
Although, I think you already know…


Contents written: November 6 2015 |  Originally published: November 15 2015  |  Copyright 2015 – 2016 Moylom Enterprises


The Burglar

 

He broke in while she was sleeping;
He poked around in places he didn’t belong;
He helped himself to some of her valuables;
He even found her secret hiding place —

The place where she kept her deepest thoughts —
The place where she kept many sad memories —
The place where she hid her heart from his kind —
The place where she hid her heart from the herself.

He barged right in, moved things around, and scooped it up.
It was in a box, shattered in a million pieces, labelled

“FRAGILE — Handle With Care! ”

Source: Yahoo images (demonvash08.deviantart.com)
Source: Yahoo images (demonvash08.deviantart.com)

Why would he want a broken heart?
What good is a broken heart to anyone?
But he didn’t care, he took it anyway!
She was confused!

Elsewhere…
He diligently took the time to put each piece back in its place — every single one.
He diligently applied a bit of glue to seal each crack.
He diligently polished and shined it until it glowed again.

And then to her delight,
He gave it back to her!
”There’s no need to hide your heart anymore,” he said,
“It’s OK now, I’ve mended it, see?”

Source: Yahoo Images (pressreleases.kcstar.com)
Source: Yahoo Images (pressreleases.kcstar.com)

She stared in amazement!
She cried…
She smiled…
She laughed…

Her heart was mended;
Her heart was beating again;
Her heart could feel again;
Her heart was once again ALIVE!

It seemed…
He never really ‘took’ anything!
He simply used the items to make the right kind of glue — just for her heart.
He was never a burglar at all,
He was simply her Healer.

He was sent to revive her broken spirit;
He was sent to remind her to laugh;
He was sent to prepare her for the future;
He was sent to show her it’s OK to love again.

Source: Yahoo images (purposefulfaith.com)
Source: Yahoo images (purposefulfaith.com)

 

*Originally published May 2015

 


Contents written: May 17 2015.
Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises.


Ouch!!!

So my first day at the gym (Nov 23 2015) was a smashing success! And by smashing I mean: why did all those machines attack me? Omg, everything hurts! OUCH!!

 

image
Image source: Google images

 

I deliberately focused on parts of the body that weren’t being targeted in physical therapy as I aim for a total body workout, and today, I’m paying the price for my bad judgement reaping the benefits of my brilliance! Yeah, I’m walking funny! Don’t laugh. But as they say,

 

image
Image source: Google images

 

Physical therapy has ended and my follow up visit to the Rehab doctor ( Nov 20 2015) gave me the green light to proceed to the gym, but with caution, to prevent further injury.

There were no personal trainers available at 8:30am for my startup 30 minute free session so I proceeded slowly as warned. It’s been ages since I’ve been a member of any gym (8 yrs) so it took me a while to figure out some of the newer machines I’d never seen before. I did okay, eventually, and 2 hours later I had worked up quite a sweat and had the sore muscles to prove it.

For now my schedule will only allow one visit per week, as was the case with physical therapy, but I’ll do the doctor recommended muscle strengthening exercises at home in between until I can fit in more days at the gym.

 

image
Image Source: Google images (whyIexercise.com)

 

So here’s to excruciating pain and wishing for death feeling the burn and loving it!

Happy Holidays!!!

Hugs,
A.

Note: Image 1 to 3 source: Google images


Contents written: November 23 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


 

Physical Therapy: Mr. S vs Mr. K

Earlier this year I was plagued with severe back pain and I wasn’t certain why. A series of tests including 2 MRIs and a biopsy finally revealed the cause of my discomfort.

I’m right-handed and as a result my left side is excellent at load-bearing but the downside to that is muscle damage along my left side — mainly my back. Add to that 17 yrs at a physically demanding job,  and my resistance to use a backpack instead of a shoulder bag (backpacks make me feel like a school kid) and the issue has compounded over time significantly.

Now that we (me and my doctor)  know what’s causing the pain, our plan of action is physical therapy  and making changes which include:

  • heat-assisted massages (muscle stimulation and tension release)
  • muscle strengthening exercises
  • avoiding activities that aggravate the problem
  • medication if the pain gets severe (but I’m not interested in masking the pain I want to fix the problem so I never filled the prescription).

Since I began Physical therapy (PT), I’ve noticed an increase in my flexibility, the pain has lessened and my mood is a lot better too. I’m now considering joining a gym close by once therapy is done but I’ve already been cautioned to start slow to avoid causing additional damage (I can get super competitive even with myself — setting goals, beating records etc. Yes, I can get a little nuts).

I used to run daily before munchkin was born, but not at all now and I think my sudden shift in physical activity has had a lot to do with my body literally seizing up. Actually, I am still very active but the shift has been from activity to strengthen and maintain core muscles and stamina to,  chasing a toddler, picking up said toddler, bending a hundred times a day to clean up after that toddler and carrying a million items her highness toddler ‘needs’ to make her tiny life complete while carrying my own bags plus grocery too. It’s no wonder my poor body has literally been collapsing under the pressure and has been crying out for help (single parent dilemma). Thankfully I have heard its cry and am now making ammends. Needless to say, my physical therapist is at the top of my list of things to be thankful for these days.

Sadly though, I was a little unnerved when Mr S, to whom I was assigned, was away for my last 2 sessions. PT is a very ‘hands on’ activity and I don’t like having my personal space invaded unnecessarily. But to my surprise, Mr K (Mr S’s understudy) did a fantastic job filling in and I was quite thrilled with the results. He was amazing at getting the knots out (younger, stronger hands — sorry Mr S! ) and this Chica has left PT feeling pretty darn good the last two times.

Today, however, Mr S was back and asked for an update on Mr K’s abilities. I requested a few things that Mr K did the last 2 visits and it seems Mr S wasn’t too pleased.

Mr S:
So K was being rough with you I see?

Me:
Ummmm…(turning my face the other side of the massage table delightfully embarrassed)

And as he uttered that sentence he pressed the heels of his palms deep into my sore muscles and all I could mumble was, “Oh my God!” (Don’t know if he heard me).

Seems that Mr K trying to show off lit a fire under Mr S since he certainly outdid himself this visit and I was beyond pleased. But it seems I might have also created a bit of in-house fighting healthy competition between the two. And there’s nothing wrong with that,  right?  (For the record,  Mr K was never rough,  he just zeroed in on the problem spots and masagged deeply. I have no idea why Mr S chose the word “rough”!

Anyway, I couldn’t look Mr K in the eye for the remainder of my session since I couldn’t help but think he and Mr S were gonna have a showdown heated,  chest thumping discussion about bravado, territory, boundaries and whatever else guys fight about. Oh my, I certainly have been a naughty girl today! Oh well…

Mr S cleared me to have a Deep Tissue Massage outside of PT if I needed extra loosening up between visits. I wish my insurance covered that too but unfortunately not. But my poor body desperately needs one (years since I had one — pre munchkin) so I will schedule one of those soon as a nice treat to myself.

I still have quite a few sessions to go before I’m cut loose (insurance limits) as I’m only doing once per week instead of two, but the way I’m feeling has inspired me to hit the gym soon because all this is reminding me of how wonderful exercise can be to help elevate one’s mood and this is something I need to do for me as I’ve left myself undone for far too long!

Feeling awesome today, and looking forward to many more days like these. Wishing you guys a fantastic day/week/weekend!!! ((Hugs))

A~


Contents written: November 7 2015  | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises


The line has been drawn…

Source: Yahoo images (therightreflection.com)
Source: Yahoo images (therightreflection.com)

Yesterday, in one of our marathon phone conversations which meandered from one topic to the next, we eventually landed on the topic of family and friends. At that point I informed mom that should any relatives begin inquiring of my whereabouts and/or well being in the upcoming months it would be because I’ve stopped making it a top priority to check on them on a regular basis. Why? Because I’ve drawn a line in the sand and it’s been long overdue. You know what she said? “I don’t blame you?”

Someone told me once that I care too much and I was shocked that those words were said about me. I don’t know how to NOT care — it’s the way I was made. I always go above and beyond and it’s just the way I am. My clients have said how much they appreciate that quality, but for some reason family and friends take advantage of my kindness or simply don’t appreciate it. But with age comes wisdom and I’m now understanding what that individual meant, which leads me to the new-found explanation of those words heard so long ago:

It’s not that I care too much but that I need to be more wise about the things and people I care about.

Hmm… why didn’t I understand this years ago? Perhaps because I spent so many of those years trying to make everyone happy not realizing the impossible task with which I burdened myself.

Caring takes a lot of energy and emotion. It forces one to put oneself in another’s shoes to truly understand, if only slightly, what that person is going through and what they need to feel better if down or to share in celebration of the good times. For some reason I’m good at that, and many folks have often asked if I am/was a nurse. (I actually thought of becoming a nurse once, but later discovered I was trying to fulfill my mom’s dream not my own. But that a whole other post!!!). No I’m not a nurse, it’s just a God-given gift I guess, just something that comes naturally.

So, now I’ve begun the task of eliminating those folks who fail to understand that emails, phone calls, what’s app, viber, text messages, Facebook messenger and all other modes of communication WORK BOTH WAYS!!! I am no longer going to be the only one to reach out, I’ve done it that way for too long and now it must stop. If the thought never crosses their minds to say hello and actually do so then I too will not do so. A friend recently reminded me how awful it is to “give to the point of resentment “. Yes I know, I know, God loves a cheerful giver, and all these years I HAVE been cheerful about the care and consideration I gave to others. I didn’t care if those folks reciprocated, I was just happy to remember their birthdays, anniversaries and delighted to check in to see how they were doing. But how come they never remember to inquire about me? And that right there is the problem and why “the line” needed to be drawn.

I’m not the needy type; I don’t ask for anything; I’m independent and never in trouble (not much anyways) so I’m wondering if folks automatically think I’m OK and there’s no need to check on me. Well I’m not gonna sit here and speculate, I don’t have time for that. As I get older I’m less tolerant of the lack of consideration shown by others and as such have drawn a line to signify my decision.

Wow, I just reread the above and boy do I sound angry! Well I am. It’s time to worry about my needs after all these years of neglect by others and sadly by me.

I messaged a very dear lady whom I was fortunate to meet during a very dark period of my life a few years ago. I’ve been so grateful for her support that I always check in with her from time to time. She actually got angry with me for speaking mostly of my kids and not of myself. She said,

Everytime I hear from you, you go on and on about the kids, about how well they’re doing and how much they’re thriving but what about you? How are you? How is your personal life? Are you dating? Are you working on a life separate from your kids? I hope you’re not locking yourself away from love? Please know that you deserve love too!

At first I got upset that she had somehow set a timetable for my life without my permission. Here I was thinking my personal life was my own! (Aside from WordPress of course). I knew fully well that I’m not ready for all that, and unsure as to when or if I ever will be. I’m still learning to trust again, terrified of failing as a parent — a single parent — and only capable of worrying about one day at a time given everything else I have on my plate. Dating and new relationships take time, and I’m not ready to invest such a valuable asset (my time) without adequate returns. I know my dear friend means well so I’m not angry that she was stern but I need to spend a little more time weeding my garden so the beautiful flowers can bloom and be seen — I’m gonna spend some time pampering “me”.

So here’s to laying the dead to rest to make room for the living — new life — new beginnings! Here’s to moving on at my own pace, one step at a time.

Thank you Ms K for caring enough to be stern. I’m not mad. Happier updates ahead I promise! ((Hugs)) ^_^


Contents written July 15 2015 | Edited: July 18 & 21 2015 | Copyright 2015 Moylom Enterprises